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Friendship (Past,Now,Future Edition)

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Somehow,I was thinking about friends when I saw some post at my Facebook group and Facebook's news feed. I saw a lot of post from my friends there (well,there're some people that I don't know why I accepted their request although I didn't know them. --'). Most of them complaining about something. I saw some of their status,reading the comments that have been added,and I started to think they have a new circle (of friendship,I mean). Sometimes,I commented on their status. But most of them didn't give an exact respond,maybe my comment was not worth to reply or maybe they didn't know how to reply that. I don't know,maybe that's me think negatively, or that's the exact reason, and I began to think "aaa,I'm out of their circles right now. It's OK". I can say "it's ok",but deep inside my heart, disappointment rushing out,dominating my brain to think "Ya!* They didn't think you as friend anymore. As best friend anymore. You're outsider for them,you know?".

To be honest, I think the very best of my life,of my friendship life, are my high school time and now (I'm in 5th semester of my college life). Not that I didn't like my time before high school. I like it,but there's something that I felt it didn't right (on my friendship,either in school or church). And maybe,that's what makes me think like I said before. Since I spent my high school in different city (my hometown is Sampit,Central Borneo and I moved to Malang,East Java when I went to high school), I think, I started to 'moved on'. I started to leave all the memories back then. At first, I was still texting some of my close friend. When I went home,I spent some time, telling our stories,about love,about anything that we missed. Slowly,the texting stopped. When I went home,I rather spent time with my family. I began to pulled myself from the circles, never gave a fuck about get in in current circles. Sometimes, they approached me first,but never me. I think I gave them a cold respond,and they slowly gave up. And it still happen.

I've been thinking lately, am I give people a cold first impression? I don't know. I've asked one of my close friend in high school about her first impression of me. She said we were 'klop' (i don't know the exact english for this thing. --'). We didn't spend a lot of time to get closer at each other. But you all know that reality can be more cruel than we think. Hmph!
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